Coping with the reactions of others
You may have found from your first treatment that people around you can react in very different ways. Some people may be wary of talking about cancer with you. Others will want to talk about nothing but your diagnosis. Let people know when you do, or don’t, want to talk.
Some people don't want to talk about my recurrence at all, and I think it's for fear that they will upset me. I'm constantly saying to them ‘you're not bothering me, I'm happy to talk about it.’ And if I know I don't want to talk about it on a particular day, I'll just say.
Wendy
You may find that people around you use words such as 'brave' and 'strong'. They may tell you they could never cope in the way that you are. The reality is we all cope in our own way with what life throws at us. Whatever you think and feel about this, try to be kind to yourself and remember that people will respond in different ways but are likely to mean well.
It may be that those close to you find the news frightening. It may sometimes seem that they are finding it harder to cope with than you. You may be finding extra reserves of strength to face this next challenge and get through it.
Maybe you are the one who wants as much information as possible, while the people supporting you want information only on a need-to-know basis. You may even find yourself feeling guilty and wanting to protect those around you from worries.
Any strains in your relationships with others can be extra challenges. They may feel as stressful as dealing with the cancer returning. But we can’t control other people’s reactions and emotions. You know your family and friends and their personalities, and you know what they were like before your cancer diagnosis. They will probably react based on their personality and how they feel about their own lives in relation to your diagnosis. You may be surprised, sometimes people find an inner strength that you just weren’t expecting. They may be inspired to swing into problem-solving mode to support you.
I’ve had great support from my family and friends, everybody has been mindful of making everything as easy as possible for me. But I have lost a few friends along the way. I think they just don’t know how to deal with it. And that’s fine, it's just one of those things that happens. I have made new friends in my village from being out walking the dog more. I’ve also made friends with people from Maggie’s. Sometimes the most important thing is being able to say to somebody, ‘I’m having a really bad day, fancy meeting for a coffee?’ And that person will make you feel better.
Wendy
Target Ovarian Cancer’s specialist nurse-led support line and your CNS can provide information about where friends and family can find more support.
