Telling your loved ones

Sharing the news that your cancer is no longer responding to treatment can be very difficult. Here we provide advice about dealing with this.

These sections give information to help you share the news that the cancer is incurable with your family, friends and children. 

Sharing the news with family and friends

Hearing that cancer is incurable can be difficult. You may find it hard to think clearly. You may be in shock, even if you were aware that the cancer was growing or spreading. It's not unusual to feel both shocked yet not surprised by the news. You may want to be alone at this time to absorb and process the news. Or you may wish to spend more time with the people who are closest to you to talk about what’s happening.  

How you tell others and when you tell them is your choice. You might want to wait a few days or weeks before you tell them. You might only want to tell close family and friends. You also might choose to ask someone close to you to tell others for you. 

Image of My Care My Future guide

My care, my future

A guide for anyone living with incurable ovarian cancer.

Talking to children

Telling children that someone they’re close to isn’t going to get better is very hard. Children are likely to feel frightened, angry, guilty and helpless when a parent or grandparent is ill. The best way to tell children is to:  

  • use simple language  
  • be open and honest
  • use clear language that’s appropriate for their age  
  • allow them to share their worries with you
  • welcome all their questions
  • give regular, small updates.

Try not to assume that children know what’s happening. Share the truth with them, as difficult as this is. Showing your sadness will help children to share their own feelings. Children of all ages have great imaginations. They may think the worst if they don’t understand what’s happening.

When it’s possible, try to give children choices. This could be around when they visit the hospital or hospice. Talk to them before they go to prepare them for what they might see when they visit.

It’s also important to reassure children that they will be looked after when their parent dies. To help support you and your children as you come to terms with the news, your CNS or GP may be able to put you in touch with professionals such as:  

  • a therapist or counsellor  
  • a hospice social worker
  • a local children and young person’s bereavement support group.  

Many hospices also have child and adolescent support teams to support children and teenagers before and after bereavement.  

Speak to your child’s school so that they are aware that they may be going through a sad and uncertain time. The school may also have access to counsellors who can offer support as well.  

Find out more about supporting children and creating memories.

The reactions of others

You might find that talking openly and honestly to others about your diagnosis can help you to come to terms with and accept what’s happening. But you might be worried about the reactions of your friends and relatives. People who love and care about you might feel shocked and upset when they hear that the cancer is no longer curable. You might feel as though you need to look after other people’s emotions as they deal with your news.  

You may find that talking to your CNS or a counsellor helps you to prepare for conversations with family and friends. You may also want to encourage those close to you to speak to your CNS or a support line to help understand your diagnosis and some of their own worries. Target Ovarian Cancer’s support line and your CNS can share information about where family and friends can find extra support. 

You may find that taking control of practical things such as decisions about treatment and planning for the future also helps you to make sense of the news. 

Relationships

Living with incurable cancer can have an impact on your relationships. You may feel that your loved ones are trying to protect you and make decisions for you. Tell them if this isn’t what you want.

You may want to protect your family and friends from the reality of your diagnosis. This can happen if you have been the centre of your family, or if you’re used to putting the needs of others before your own. It may feel difficult to accept that you now need their support. If you don’t feel comfortable asking for your family and friends’ support, speak to the health professionals looking after you. This could be one of the following people or a mix of health professionals:

  • your gynae-oncology CNS  
  • your palliative care CNS  
  • your local hospice team
  • a counsellor
  • your GP.  

Often your partner, family members or friends will take on the role of caring for you when you need extra help. It’s important to talk to them and your healthcare team about what’s important to you and what you want from your care.  

Health professionals like your CNS will be able to support you to have this conversation with your partner, family or friends. They can help you to prepare what you will say. Or they may be able to join a meeting with your loved ones to talk about your future care.  

Having ovarian cancer can cause emotional and physical difficulties. Changes to your body can affect your confidence. This can all impact on your sexuality, sex life and relationships. Your sexual feelings may or may not have changed. But it’s normal for your wants and needs for sex and intimacy to vary.

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Ovarian cancer, sex and intimacy

More information about the impact of an ovarian cancer diagnosis on your sexuality, sex life and relationships.
Rachel and Val Target Ovarian Cancer nurse advisers

Our support line is open Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm

Last reviewed: May 2025

Next review: May 2028

To learn more about our review process, take a look at our information standards.