Talking to children
Telling children that someone they’re close to isn’t going to get better is very hard. Children are likely to feel frightened, angry, guilty and helpless when a parent or grandparent is ill. The best way to tell children is to:
- use simple language
- be open and honest
- use clear language that’s appropriate for their age
- allow them to share their worries with you
- welcome all their questions
- give regular, small updates.
Try not to assume that children know what’s happening. Share the truth with them, as difficult as this is. Showing your sadness will help children to share their own feelings. Children of all ages have great imaginations. They may think the worst if they don’t understand what’s happening.
When it’s possible, try to give children choices. This could be around when they visit the hospital or hospice. Talk to them before they go to prepare them for what they might see when they visit.
It’s also important to reassure children that they will be looked after when their parent dies. To help support you and your children as you come to terms with the news, your CNS or GP may be able to put you in touch with professionals such as:
- a therapist or counsellor
- a hospice social worker
- a local children and young person’s bereavement support group.
Many hospices also have child and adolescent support teams to support children and teenagers before and after bereavement.
Speak to your child’s school so that they are aware that they may be going through a sad and uncertain time. The school may also have access to counsellors who can offer support as well.
Find out more about supporting children and creating memories.
The reactions of others
You might find that talking openly and honestly to others about your diagnosis can help you to come to terms with and accept what’s happening. But you might be worried about the reactions of your friends and relatives. People who love and care about you might feel shocked and upset when they hear that the cancer is no longer curable. You might feel as though you need to look after other people’s emotions as they deal with your news.
You may find that talking to your CNS or a counsellor helps you to prepare for conversations with family and friends. You may also want to encourage those close to you to speak to your CNS or a support line to help understand your diagnosis and some of their own worries. Target Ovarian Cancer’s support line and your CNS can share information about where family and friends can find extra support.
You may find that taking control of practical things such as decisions about treatment and planning for the future also helps you to make sense of the news.
