We all need hope.
I was diagnosed with Stage 4 ovarian cancer not long after my 45th birthday. I generally felt well in myself, although tired. I'd put this down to walking my dog a lot, doing body combat and Zumba, working and being a mum to a beautiful two year old girl who as we know with toddlers are pretty full on.
Looking back now though, I can see I was experiencing all the classic symptoms of ovarian cancer from as early as September 2021.
I was diagnosed in mid-February 2022, and I’ve had major surgery, chemotherapy and now I’m on a maintenance drug. I feel fortunate that for the most part I've felt well and responded well to the treatment.
When I take a minute to look back to where I was, I'm grateful and feel fortunate considering how serious my situation was. I was extremely lucky that I was able to have surgery and that it was successful, my treatment appears to be working as my CA125 is in normal range – it was over 2,000.
Getting a cancer diagnosis changes you, but I think it's changed me for the better. I appreciate things so much more and I will be grateful for the extra time I've been given to spend with all the people that I love and to watch my baby girl grow.
I didn’t always feel like this though. Pre-diagnosis, I was a mess.
I remember the phone call so clearly. The doctor told me that I had a 10cm mass on my right ovary and it was suspected ovarian cancer.
I ran upstairs to my husband and burst into tears as the fear kicked in as my thoughts overwhelmed me. Deep down I knew it would be ovarian cancer, as I was getting more of the classic symptoms: bloating, needing to wee more often, and feeling full quickly after eating.
The internet vs support line
The next six weeks consisted of various scans and blood tests as I waited for further information. During that time I reached a real low point as I carried out my own research.
The internet became my go to. I was terrified of what was in store for me, the statistics were dire and I felt very down. As someone who likes to know things, I wanted answers and reassurance but that wasn’t what I found.
I came across Target Ovarian Cancer and saw a number for the support line. I'm so glad I dialled the number as I found the reassurance I was looking for in Val, one of the charity’s Nurse Advisers.
She really helped put me at ease and she was so good at talking through my fears with me. I was scared of the unknown and would think of the worst case scenario. Val educated me about ovarian cancer, she shared her knowledge and helped me understand what to expect. She brought me out of my despair.
Since then, I've been speaking to Val regularly on the support line. She's my ‘go to’ for everything and anything - whether it’s a chat, advice or reassurance. She's helped me tremendously and has been invaluable.
Completely unaware of the symptoms
When I look back now, I can see I started to have symptoms in September 2021, months before I was diagnosed. However, as someone who has an autoimmune disease, I thought it could all be related.
At first it was a change in bowel habits that led me to contact the doctor, then it was tiredness and irregular periods that took me to the doctor a second time. We both thought this was perimenopause. The third visit came when I started getting abdominal pain, and the fourth a lump.
Confident and empowered
It can feel as though you’re out of control and have little confidence when you're waiting for a diagnosis of ovarian cancer – and everything is in someone else’s hands.
When I met with my fabulous surgeon in mid-February, she confirmed it was ovarian cancer and was confident I could have surgery first so that's what we decided to do. She warned me that they wouldn't know the extent of the surgery needed until they opened me up.
At a minimum it would be a total hysterectomy but she also mentioned I may need my spleen removed and my bowel resected (both of which happened). I was very nervous but my surgeon held my hand and told me it would be ok. I can't explain how much this meant to me. She was so caring and extremely confident which in turn gave me the confidence to proceed.
Having people along the way like my surgeon, Val and my husband has helped me remain in control, confident and feel empowered.
In April 2022, after I started my chemotherapy/maintenance combination, my hair started to fall out. After five days of it coming out in handfuls it was very thin and this is what upset me the most so I asked my husband to get the clippers out.
We decided to shave my head in front of our daughter to normalise the situation. We talked her through it and it was a happy experience for her, she's totally unaffected by what is happening and I love that.
Once we took what was left of my hair off, I felt much happier. I felt strong and empowered. I embraced turbans and wigs, my best buy was a fringe wig. This is on a headband and it was great for covering my barely there eyebrows. It helped me so much and helped me feel in control.
Searching for a glimmer
During the difficult times when I was waiting for a diagnosis and was newly diagnosed, it really helped me to read other ladies’ stories. I found them very inspiring and informative which is why I’m sharing mine.
We all need hope.
I’m a positive person and I really think this has helped me. Of course I have my moments of sadness and fear, but I realise these feelings pass and I can let them go. Lots of cuddles from my little girl, being with my husband, family and friends is the best form of medicine for me.
If you’ve been affected by this story and would like to speak to a specialist nurse, you can call our dedicated support line on 020 7923 5475 or contact us: [email protected]. We're open from 9am until 5pm, Monday to Friday.
If reading this story has helped you, join the Ovarian Cancer Community to connect with more people affected by ovarian cancer: www.targetovariancancer.org.uk/onlinecommunity
