The type of support you need and how you cope with your loved one’s diagnosis is personal, but it's important to look after your own wellbeing. Deena and Kate, family members supporting a loved one with ovarian cancer, share what helped them cope and what resources they found useful.
When the diagnosis happened, I didn’t think about myself, and I wish I had. So many people kept saying, you really need to take care of yourself, and at that point I didn’t really understand what they meant. I wanted to say, ‘I don’t have cancer. I’m not important right now. What’s important is getting my wife through this’. I threw every ounce of physical, spiritual energy into holding her…I’m still very much depleted of a lot of my own resource…and it would have been easier had I taken more care of me.
Take time for yourself
You may find yourself spending most of your time, focus and energy caring for your loved one. You may feel that their need to be cared for at this time is much greater than your own. But it’s important to give yourself permission to look after yourself too.
The family members and friends we spoke to suggested continuing to attend classes or activities, going for walks, meeting up with friends, or putting aside time to read a book, meditate or paint. As one family member put it, “it’s so easy to lose yourself.”
When my wife got diagnosed, I stopped doing things like going to my dance classes. I now know that had I kept going to them, it would have really helped me mentally.
What helps you to unwind is very personal, but it's important to make time for this on a regular basis. It can be as simple as preparing your favourite meal and watching a film. If you want to try a new activity, Maggie’s centres run programmes of courses and workshops for family and friends of people with cancer.
